5:19 In The Ante

Meridian and I am waiting for light or for
more sleep, either one would be good; I consider
taking another walk around these gray-carpeted
long halls but it's really kind of cold out there and I'd have to
take my oxygen off and would get
short of breath again. Look around here: Is there
nothing to look at? Nothing to do? Well there's the
greenery Maw brought me, starting two
blooms; I wonder what they
will look like. I could
bring it over here and take my sketch pad and
crayons out and render it as it is - as well as I can - today,
then wait and do the same again tomorrow when
five a.m. rolls around; I'd have a nice
record of all its bloom and decay to
remind me
when it's gone. But wouldn't I
remember? I remember
my father; I
remember my mother too and I
remember my sister and I remember
Skye and
want to see her so much it hurts; i think though
that she does not want me
to join her yet; there must be some advantage
to living that I am not noticing right now. Perhaps when the
Tylenol kicks in that I took for my arthritic left
pinkie, then maybe I'll notice the
pleasure of breathing again. Meanwhile if I take another
walk in the hall I'll go
clockwise this time. Variety is the spice, the
pepper perhaps and I am supposed to be the
salt so better try and
keep my savor. Here's what
pleases me: I drew a picture of a thistle and it
actually reminds me of the thistle when I
look at it. Thistles abloom are prettier than
roses but though roses have thorns thistles are
harder to hold so that's why we cultivate
roses and not
thistles.